I am feeling better today. I realized how controlling I was trying to be of my boyfriend and the insanity that was causing me. I can't choose or control who he is friends with. I don't like the situation but trying to control it is making me miserable. And only bringing chaos into our relationship. So I'm going to not say anything about it to him anymore and try to get over it or at least be more accepting. It's not like he is cheating on me and he really is a good guy. I know he loves me and ju… Continue

I've been confronting myself a lot lately. I think it helps me to grow and lately I feel like I'm just beating myself up. I think my biggest problem is my codependency and approval addiction. Right now I feel so up and down and spun around. lol. I am not sure who I am right now. I got a letter from my boyfriend and he basically said he didn't want me to leave him but acted like we where done and over with. It aches me so bad. I think a part of me wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. I know that i… Continue

I am feeling better tonight. I thought of HALT. And realizes I was hungry, tired, and angry. I got something to eat and rested a bit. I realize that it is so important what I see and feel about myself on the inside. I usually am so concerned about the outside. But, I also need to like what is inside of me. I am still learning to like myself on the outside and inside. I have my yucky moments like today. I watched the movie about Georgia O'Keeffe and I related to what her life was like with her hu… Continue

Today was such a hectic day for me. First I mailed the break up/goodbye letter to my boyfriend. I just told him the truth. It hurt me when he through this girl in my face and if she is there for him then that's great but I don't deserve to be treated this way. I truly believe if it was between keeping her friendship or our relationship he would choose there friendship. It seems like that's what is already happening. I said if he didn't want to live with me or marry me that was fine but I am tire… Continue

I basically just had a lazy day but I really needed the rest. I feel like crying right now. I feel like I'm having a bad day but it feels like I've been having a lot of those lately. I hate that I have to be around abusive people like my aunt. I hate that I don't really have anyone to talk to and people keep throwing it in my face. I was mad I couldn't get on the computer earlier. I'm sad I haven't talked to my boyfriend today and I thought he would call me. I'm trying not to be hard on myself b… Continue